


He Called Me 'Son'

by teaandtumblr



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Family Bonding, Grief, Post Into Darkness, jim isnt too great at coping, more like how i wish their relationship went, parental chris/jim, post pikes death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 08:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1598075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaandtumblr/pseuds/teaandtumblr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even after Pike makes Kirk his first officer again, Jim doesn't seem quite right. Sometimes the inside is more broken than it seems, and sometimes it takes a father to fix that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Called Me 'Son'

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: basically, I love Pike and Kirk and so I wrote this because Kirk needs a father.

" _Emergency session, Daystrom. That's us."_

" _Yeah."_

" _Suit up."_

Pike had actually made it two or so metres before he registered what Jim had said, as well as the tone in which he had said it. Now Jim had a mouth that ran at a hundred miles an hour and he didn't bother to filter anything, but one thing he never did was _mumble 'yeah'_. There were so many things wrong with that simple sentence alone, all of which had red flags popping up inside his head.

Turning around, Christopher frowned when he realised that Jim was still sitting, had not even attempted to make a move. This was an emergency. Usually Jim was all over those things, to the point that, more than once, the rear admiral had had to pull him aside before they entered the room and ordered him to calm down. And yet here he was now, heaving a loud sigh and labouriously pushing himself to his feet. His boy didn't do that.

"Jim?" he called as the kid approached.

He was expecting a variety of things, but Kirk jumping in fright and then hastily slipping past him had never been one of them. He followed the now ex-captain in confusion.

"Jim!" he called, more firmly this time. When not even a brash, impatient remark came flying back at him, that was when he drew the line. _"James."_

The young man stiffened but did, much to his relief, come to a dead halt just a few steps outside the entrance of the bar. It only took a second or so for Chris to catch him. Jim's eyes were trained firmly on the road ahead, and there was an unusual rigidness to his frame.

"No one calls me that," he whispered, and it was unsure as to whether he was angry that Chris had done so, or touched.

"Yeah well, _I_ do," Pike said, clapping a hand on his shoulder firmly. "So, you want to tell me what's going on, son?"

"No, sir, I do not." Kirk was all business, all ice, nearly Vulcan-like. "We have a meeting to go to, Admiral, and I'd rather not be late."

Pike stared at him in confusion for the longest of times, keeping his hand firm to stop Jim from slipping away. He studied that blank emotion on his face, so out of place on the kid's face. There were no telltale signs of anger, no panic, no fear. No, it was…God, it was the face of someone desperately trying to look normal while really they were a fraction away from crying.

And that was very un-Jim Kirk-like.

Seeing as how Jim'd been so brutally chastised in his office earlier… "That's it, my quarters, _now_."

 _That_ got a reaction, Jim's blue eyes widening exponentially in shock. "What? But the meeting-"

"Can wait. I need to get changed anyway." His communicator was already in his hand, ordering his secretary to go and get Jim's uniform from his own dorm room. "You're coming with me son."

For a good couple of minutes he thought there'd a fight, a balk at the order, but finally Jim's shoulders just slumped and he nodded wearily. Jesus, what was wrong with the kid? Pike had seen him in some pretty dark places, but this was certainly getting up there, if not over-taking. The entire way back to his large admiral quarters, he eyed his young protégé up as subtlety as he could. Once they entered his room, Chris gestured to one of the chairs situated near the window. Jim sat in it wordlessly, making no indication that he was intending to say, or do, anything.

"James," Chris sighed as he sat himself down, wincing slightly at the effort and sparing his cane half a glare. "I can't help if I don't understand what's going on."

Jim's blue eyes met his briefly before he a gave his best blasé shrug. "It's nothing," he said breezily and in a manner so unconvincing it would have been funny had the circumstances been different. "I just…I guess…I'm sorry."

The older man couldn't stop his eyebrows from rising. "You're sorry?"

Jim visibly stiffened and Chris realised instantly that he'd made a mistake. "Yeah, sorry, alright? No big deal. I'm just gonna-"

" _Sit down Kirk."_

Jim, who'd been halfway to his feet, hesitated before complying. He went to open his mouth but Pike held up a hand. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely, "I wasn't trying to be rude. You just didn't say what I was expecting. Us old men can't handle surprises as well any more." That didn't even coax a smile and Chris' frown deepened. "James, tell me, what are you sorry for?"

He wasn't even bothering to try and hold his gaze now. He simply shrugged indifferently. "Just sorry for failing you, I guess."

Pike blinked in confusion. "And why exactly, do you think you're failing me?"

Jim gave him an incredulous look, a silent, _'oh like you don't know'_. The next second he had his arms folded tightly across his chest, so tightly that Chris was absolutely positive he was impairing his ability to breathe properly. "I mean, you said you saw greatness in me."

If anything, he was even more confused. "Yes, I d-"

"You _saw_ greatness. You don't _see_ greatness. Whatever qualities you thought I had, you don't see them anymore." He swallowed thickly before forcing out. "I guess I can't do better after all."

" _Jim!_ " Pike couldn't even begin to understand what he was hearing. "You think I don't believe in you because of what happened today? I made you First Officer on my ship."

"Yeah, why did you do that?"

"Because I believe in you."

Kirk had the gall to snort, hand twitching in a way that indicated that if he'd had a drink nearby, he'd be taking a rather large swig of it right now.

"You think I'm lying, kid?"

Jim just shook his head, hiding his face in his hand. "Well, let's see. Considering you told me I don't respect my chair, thus implying that I don't give a damn about my ship or my crew…the one thing I would happily give my life for! Your pile of… _bullshit_!" Those blue eyes finally returned to his, only this time they were stone cold. "I don't think you even know me _at all_ , let alone _believe_ in me." This time he _did_ actually get to his feet. "So you can take your regulations, sir, and shove them up your-"

"Jim, enough!" The Admiral's tone was biting. "Don't give me your self-pity. You knew you'd done the wrong thing, and then you made it worse by lying about it. What did you expect me to do?"

Jim's back was turned, but he still heard the sentence, the sentence that broke his heart. "…believe in me."

Chris felt for all the world like he'd been slapped in the face. It wasn't self-pity Jim was feeling, it was betrayal – by both his mentor and his first officer, his _friends_ – it was insecurity, fear, abandonment, that he'd been, as Jim had so aptly put it, thrown under the bus, but all on his own. Pike pushed himself to his feet and stepped in front of him.

"Off the record?"

Jim frowned, puzzled, before nodding slowly.

"You made the right choice son." Jim physically stiffened. "The Prime Directive states that we should not interfere with a species, but for that there needs to be a species to interfere _with_. What you and your crew did was against regulations, but it was also _right_. You saved a species from extinction, something that I know both you and Spock can relate to on a dangerously personal level."

" _No_." The hard edge of Jim's voice took him completely off guard. "No, you don't get to say that. You were _mad_ at me! Don't act like you weren't. In fact, if I remember, you wouldn't even let me explain myself. Saying that you wouldn't, no, you _couldn't_ , listen to me! You can't just turn around and say I was right after that."

Well, the explosive Kirk temper was back, if nothing else. That had to count for something, he supposed grimly.

"When I spoke to you, I was angry."

"Imagine how I felt."

Pike's glare had Jim snapping his mouth shut, thank God. "I'd just been informed that the cadet I had personally persuaded to recruit had broken several Star Fleet regulations, had lied on his report, and then had had his ship taken off of him and sent back to the Academy." The fire in his voice had Jim's eyes widening slightly. "How do you think that made me feel? That my _captain_ was now a cadet? That I hadn't even been allowed to make a case on your behalf because half the Admirals wouldn't have wanted to hear it?"

Jim swallowed thickly. "Sir, I…"

Chris just shook his head, placing a hand on Jim's shoulder once more. "Don't. Just know that you haven't failed me and that I'll _always_ believe in you."

"Da-"

Chris cut him off before he could make that mistake. "Time to go son."

* * *

" _He's playing you, son, don't you see that?"_

As far as Jim was concerned, Admiral Marcus could have made the most convincing argument he'd wanted from that point on and he still would never have believed him. As it was, he was finding it difficult to see through the red film that had covered his eyes. There was only one person in the entire world that was allowed to call him 'son' and that person was dead. Dead, gone, murdered.

And, if Jim's theory was correct, then the man he was currently staring at had had _everything_ to do with it.

Simple as that, his mind was made up.

" _Do not drop those shields, Mr Sulu."_

* * *

"He called me 'son'." Jim snorted, rubbing his eyes as they started to water. "Spock would tell me it was illogical to determine my alliance to someone based on something so stupid but I…it wasn't his place. And I just… _God_ …"

Jim rested his forehead on his knee, his other foot tucked underneath his body. One hand came to grip the back of his head tightly, the other reached out so his fingertips were just barely touching the cold, stone edge of the grave. He was powerless to stop the sobs now, though he kept them silent, only his heaving shoulders giving him away.

"It wasn't…" Jim's voice was cracked, struggling to make it past the sobs that were caught in his throat. " _You_ called me that. You were the _only_ one who called me that. And you…I don't know if you meant it or not…but I…I _thought_ you did…I…couldn't you have let me know for sure?…Couldn't you once have just… _please_ …let me have screwed up and said it?"

Whatever he wanted to say next he couldn't get out and that was moment that Bones walked over. He'd followed Jim – after all, the kid had only just been released from hospital and he needed to take it easy but _damn_ if he would, but also _damn_ if Bones was going to let him be an idiot about it! – and honestly, he hadn't been too surprised when Jim'd led them to the cemetery. But hearing what the kid was saying now, it broke his old man's heart.

"He called me 'son'," Jim was saying again, voice still raw. "But I'm not _his_ son."

The hand Bones clapped on his shoulder caused Jim to jump a good foot and he seemed torn between looking embarrassed or angry so Bones just chose to ignore him. Instead, he turned the hand gripping Jim's shoulder into more of a gentle squeeze.

"Pike's son, huh?" he drawled, not missing the way Jim went string tight – something he also dutifully ignored. "What's that make you then, James Christopher Kirk?" Leonard snorted to himself. "James C. Kirk. Doesn't actually sound half bad."

Jim looked at his best friend in disbelief before looking back at the gravestone with a thoughtful expression.

' _James C. Kirk. Yeah, it doesn't.'_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: don't ask me where that ending came from because I don't know either. I was simply driving my car and it came to me. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed this fic and even possibly got a smile from it.


End file.
